Every girl wants to be with a dream guy she imagines as a young lady. Someone that will complete her and know her inside and out and love her anyway. When I met Troy, I thought he was that guy. So much so that we were married 18 days after we started dating. Shortly after the vows were taken, it was evident it was a big mistake. And the 4 years of marriage were nothing shy of a disaster. My heart was broken over and over and over again. It's kind of like when you sprain an ankle, after you do it one time, it gets easier to do every time after that. But it has the effects of when you break a bone. When a bone heals, it becomes stronger in the place that was broken, harder in that area. That is what happens to my heart, it got broken and my heart got repaired, but then it got hard.
I don't want my heart to be like that but it's not ready for a guy to be around yet. I am just getting into my own groove with the girls. Plus I don't have any trust or desire right now to have a guy. Sure I get extremely lonely and sad sometimes because I am single but it doesn't last long. I know God will put the absolute perfect guy for me in my path when the time is right. And I know it isn't now, so I just need time to heal. To be with God in a way that I have never been with him before. Lean on him for my every need, thought, desire. He is what I have been missng not a guy. All I think they could do right now is disappoint me and I don't need anymore of that in my life right now. I need stability and love, and that is only going to come from my Father.
I am getting used to the idea that I may not be with anybody for a long time, and it's going to take some getting used to but I will survive, God will make sure of it. I will be a stronger and better person when I am ready for the man of my dreams.
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