Neverending feeling of inadequacy

Being a woman and a mother is not an easy task. Everyday, someone is depending on you to get them dressed, fed, to school, bathed, entertained, etc. Many of us fall short. A typical day in this household isn't pretty. We are running around in the wee hours of the morning getting dressed, teeth brushed and hair combed as fast as we can so we can rush out into the world that does nothing really but bring us down, or me anyway. Most days, Eden has one pink sock and one teal sock on. Sesley's hair is doing some weird part thing. I am trying to put a face and outfit on that nobody will really care about at work. It's not a pretty picture. Church is worse. Trying to get ready to learn about our Savior should be an enjoyable process. And I'm sure it would be if there was no devil. But unfortunately, there is. He is the one that tries so hard to make our lives miserable. He tries to get us to turn against our Jesus by putting these awful things in our heads....like inadequacy.

Speaking to one of my best friends tonight, I learned that I am not the only one who feels as though I can never catch up to other people, be the best mom, or be the prettiest girl, etc. But you know what the awesome thing is, God thinks we are beautiful, we are treasures to Him. It really doesn't matter how we see ourselves when we know how God sees us. He doesn't care about who has the better T.V. or who gives their kids the most expensive gifts.

If we give Jesus our heart,and He lives in us, then all this shouldn't matter, especially the material stuff. But whenever we feel low about how we are living our lives, we need not get depressed and down, but rather, turn our eyes to the One who loves us more than any person ever could. Spend time talking to Him and/or others who would listen and be there for a hug. It's so much better than bottling it all in and hoping it will go away.

At the end of my rope...

If anybody has seen the movie 'Just Friends', there is a part where Ryan Reynolds is throwing an absolute fit in his car, just freaking out. It is very comical to watch. However, that has been me the last couple weeks.

First and foremost, I love my girls. There is no question about that. But it's mind-blowing how easily everything at home absorbs all the negative things the world throws at you. My job, finances, etc. have been piling on the stress and unfulfillment I would rather do without. I have been a sucky mom. From the moment I pick them up until we go to bed, I'm short-tempered, impatient, and have many childish outbursts; something that resembles a toddler when they don't get their way. If I was still living in the south, particularly Alabama, they would say I was just plain 'ill'. Well I don't want to be that way. I know what I want to act like when I get home but it goes right out the window when Sesley or Eden look my direction the wrong way. I would like to have a hidden camera on me to see how absolutely ridiculous I act.

But let me say, thank God for the wonderful people He has positioned in my life. I don't know what I would do without other believers around to talk to and just vent. It's also amazing the difference prayer makes. I have never been one to have a big strength in prayer. It was never my 'thing' to start up a prayer chain or group, etc. I was more the evangelist type, or counseling type. But I tell ya what, prayer is some powerful stuff. It works, God is always there and hears my cry. I know He will never give me more than I can handle, even though it feels that way to me. I keep forgetting that there will always be fire I will walk through. I also keep forgetting that God will be with me when I do.